Gotta learn to breathe is number one. Number two is to put fear aside and pray. It'll take a bit until one and two are accomplished without thinking. Number three is to jump back into your life as though nothing matters and so what if it did. Sounds kinda negative but it usually works. Hell, I'm no expert, do what you do best. You won't be the person you used to be, but you can be a bigger, better version of your old self. I'm writing this at 3am so who knows what it is exactly I'm trying to say. I've had 19 years to try and figure all this madness out and I'm not sure I ever will.

     My mother, down the hall, was given a death sentence a week ago. Maybe one should ask her what it's all about. She probably doesn't have a clue either. We're both ill but her life expectancy is shorter than mine. She has a half smile that doesn't give much away. She's my mother and I'm here for her until whatever.... I belong here. That I do know. I understand the fear, the angst and the pain. Fear is the worst of all. That is where God enters into the bigger picture of this madness.
 
     She's never been the same since he passed away. Does she yearn at times to join him? I will never ask, I'm here to make it better as much as I possibly can. And maybe in some backasswards way it'll help me too.