My mom wants to go to church now!! I find it a bit unsettling. Like she's preparing herself for.... She's never been a churchgoer and now?! I don't want to ask. Damn. I hate this!! She's always tired which is to be expected given the state of her heart. But the light from her eyes seems to be fading at times, and her smile's not so wide. Just hoping she stays out of the hospital for awhile and that she keeps her walking up everyday. At least her enjoyment and motivation for it.

       I'm trying to keep myself healthy also during these stressful days and sleepless nights. I wonder sometimes if this situation is very good for my overall health. I haven't been seeing my docs and getting what I need for myself. Like my monthly B-12 injections for example. They're needed because I don't have a stomach where it is produced. Can't get my pain meds until I go up north and see the pain doc and the list goes on and on. But I'm where I'm needed. I believe that. It's just plain hard sometimes.